Our Children Are Watching: Why How We Disagree Matters

As a municipal councillor, I understand that public service comes with scrutiny, disagreement, and, at times, strong emotions. I chose this role knowing that not every decision would be popular and that criticism is part of a healthy democracy. That is fair, and that is expected.

What is often forgotten, however, is that our children are watching and learning from how adults treat one another — especially in public spaces and on social media.

They are watching how we speak about people we disagree with.

They are watching how we respond when we are frustrated.

They are learning what is considered acceptable behaviour when opinions differ.

When political disagreement turns into personal attacks, it doesn’t just affect the person being targeted. It ripples outward to families and to children who see, hear, and absorb far more than we may realize.

Children in our community attend local schools. Their friends see social media posts. They overhear conversations at home. They hear both the praise and the criticism. And when that criticism becomes personal, it can be deeply hurtful — not just to the elected official, but to their children who did not choose public life.

As parents, most of us understand how difficult it is to watch our children navigate negativity, unkindness, or personal attacks. That is why it is so important to remember that behind every public role is a family, and behind every name is a real person with a personal story, struggles, and responsibilities that the public may never fully see.

Disagreeing with a councillor’s vote, position, or advocacy is not only appropriate — it is part of civic engagement. In fact, it is healthy for a community to question decisions, debate ideas, and push for better outcomes.

But those disagreements should remain professional, respectful, and focused on the issues.

Criticize a decision.

Question a policy.

Challenge a vote.

Ask for better solutions.

Do not turn it into a personal attack.

If you disagree with a past decision, come with ideas on how to build on it or improve it. Bring forward solutions, not just criticism. Take the time to understand the full scope of information that councillors receive before making decisions. Recognize that in matters involving litigation or confidential processes, not all information can be shared publicly — but that decisions are still made with the broader community in mind.

I have had coffees with residents on the very same day, on the very same issue, where one person wanted the exact opposite outcome of another. Both felt passionately. Both believed strongly in their position. My responsibility is not to represent only one voice, but to listen to all of them — and then make a decision based on the facts, the information, professional advice, legal frameworks, and the full range of resident input.

That is not always easy. And it will not always satisfy everyone.

But it is done with the intent of serving the entire community.

At the end of the day, human decency still matters. How we speak to and about one another matters. The example we set today becomes the behaviour our children model tomorrow.

We can be passionate.

We can be firm.

We can strongly disagree.

And still choose respect.

Our children are watching — and they are learning from us.